Author Kevin Swarbrick

“The Noise Around Me, But It's Love That's Grounds Me!”  “The Noise Around Me when there's only Jennie in my mind, The Love That Grounds Me” I’ve watched fake friends disappear, fake family disappear, but this is another level, they call it gang stalking... I’ve watched silent watchers sit on my pages, taking everything in but offering nothing back. I’ve watched people who barely knew us try to control the narrative of our life together. I’m tired. I’m hurt. I’m angry. I'm heartbroken, I’m still grieving the woman who is my world. But here’s the truth that none of them can erase: Jennie loved me. Jennie lived with me. Jennie built over 11 years of her life with me. Jennie chose me. No amount of hacking, deleting, or rewriting documents will ever change that. The boys have been fantastic all the way through this, even though they to had threats and people trying to manipulate them too, they know where the love is, that's our home and not with the outside nose, an...

Talent can’t be stolen. Creativity can’t be hacked. A gift can’t be copied. Writing, singing, creating, published novels, published books, all our creative sides, those things come from inside a person. They come from lived experience, from emotion, from truth. They come from a place the people behind all this simply don’t have access to. And that’s why they’ve tried so hard to tear it down. Jealousy is a powerful thing. It makes people bitter. It makes people reckless. It makes people do disgusting things like trying to destroy someone else’s life's, their work because they can’t create anything of their own, they lack empathy, and smile in your face. Jennie and I saw that for all these years. People watching from the side-lines, wanting what we had but never willing to put in the heart, the time, the soul it takes to build something real. People who couldn’t stand the fact that we had talent, connection, creativity, things they couldn’t fake, no matter how many accounts they hack...

   Choosing Love Over Noise: I Miss Jennie so much, my love doesn't stop. There are days when the world feels loud, too loud. People shouting for attention, people twisting stories, people trying to drag me into battles I never asked for whatsoever. And for a long time, I let myself get pulled into it. I fired back, defended myself, defended Jen, defended what we built. I thought I had to. I thought silence meant surrender, but it doesn't. I miss Jennie every second, every minute, everyday. It hits in waves, just simple memories, Missing someone you truly loved isn’t a weakness for others to take advantage of, it’s proof that what you had was real. And what we had was real in every sense of the word. Jennie wasn’t perfect, and neither was I, but together we built a home filled with love. Not the kind of home you find on a map, the kind you feel in your chest. The kind that makes the world outside make no sense. The kind that stays with you long after the person is gone, you ca...

Jennie Bonita                https:amazon.com/Jennie-Bonita-Bed-Time-Stories There are moments in life that split you in two, the person you were before, and the person you’re forced to become after. Losing my fiancée,  Jennifer Ann Mason ,  Jennie Bonita,'  after more than eleven years together, was that moment for me. People talk about grief like it’s a process, a journey, a set of stages you move through. But when you lose the person who was your home, your routine, your laughter, your future, your world, your everything, … It isn’t a process. It’s a wound that doesn’t close. It’s waking up every day in a world that doesn’t make sense anymore. Jennie wasn’t just someone I loved. Jennie wasn't just my Fiancée , Jennie was the person I built a life. The person I woke up next to everyday for over 11 years. The person I protected, supported, and shared every part of my world with, good times and bad, we were there together. For over ...

“Through Every Storm” I woke each morning to Jennie’s warmth, her breath soft beside mine, a closeness that never needed chains, just love, steady, quiet, real. Jen was by my side day and night, not held by force, but by the way our hearts fit together, two souls choosing the same path without ever needing to be asked. We had storms, yes, but never ones we made. They came from outside, from the chaos others carried, from the problems they brought into a life we were trying to build. The children’s struggles, their issues spilling into our peace, and the shadows of people who hacked, interfered, and tried to twist what they never understood. But even in the noise, even when the world pushed against us, we held on. We stood together, side by side, weathering every storm that wasn’t ours to begin with. If I could wake to her once more, I’d hold that moment like breath, because loving Jennie was the calm in the middle of everything, the love that stayed strong even when the world around us...

Family isn’t just about blood and showing up when it suits. It isn’t about dipping in and out when the spotlight is on. Family is about being there, every day, every night, every moment, even when nobody sees it, even when nobody claps for it. For me and Jennie, that’s what it always was. People can say what they want, twist things, rewrite timelines, pretend they were present… but the truth doesn’t bend. The truth is lived, in memories. And the truth is this:  we were there . Every single day, even if it was a text just to hello. The boys’ mum has done an incredible job raising them on her own. No shortcuts, no help, no support from anyone except what came through Jennie. Everything those lads are today, their manners, their respect, their strength, that’s because of her. She’s had more struggles, but no matter what was happening around her, the boys always came first. Always. She deserves recognition for that. She deserves respect for that. And the boys should grow up knowing exa...

                                    When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I feel is the tears. Not because I’m weak, not because I’m lost, but because Jen’s there. Every night. Every dream. Every time I close my eyes, Jen is talking to me, guiding me, telling me what to say and which way to move forward. It’s like Jen refuses to let me drift, even for a second. And honestly… that’s what keeps me going these months. People don’t understand what it’s like when you’ve lived your life side‑by‑side with someone. Not just your partner your best friend, your soulmate, your shadow, your laughter, your comfort, your future. When you’ve been together 24/7, everywhere you go, every place you’ve stood, every routine you’ve built… it all carries her fingerprints. So when I get in the car, Jen’s there. When I walk into the shop, Jen’s there. When I breathe, Jen’s there. Every heartbeat still says Jens n...

 What Love Is Really About?

Today Took everything Out of Me.  Today has been one of those days that hits you straight in the chest. It's like this everyday, but today... A dark day. A lonely day. The kind of day where the silence feels heavier than the world itself. I went to the cemetery again. I stood by Jen’s resting place, making sure everything was just how she’d want it, peaceful, beautiful, cared for. It’s the only place that feels steady right now. But walking away from there… that’s the part that breaks me every time. Going home to the memories, the empty spaces, the reminders of a life that was full and warm and shared, it’s brutal. My emotions have been everywhere. Hurt. Betrayal. Exhaustion. I’ve got this tiny circle of people who genuinely care, and I’m grateful for them, I really am. But it’s strange how the ones you expect to be there… just aren’t. You hear all the promises, “I’ll be there for you,” “You’re not alone,” “Anything you need.” But when the real weight hits, when the paperwork piles...

                                        A Place Lit by Love,                                                                    A Place Lit by Love Jennie’s resting place has become exactly what her life was gentle, warm, and full of light. The flowers, the colours, the way everything glows softly at night… it’s a reflection of the love Jen carried and the love Jen left behind and the love that I hold deeply. Nothing forced. Nothing for show. Just real, quiet beauty. Every piece placed there has meaning that others wont see, but we do. Every light is a reminder that Jens presence didn’t fade, it shifted. Every flower is a moment of love that didn’t end when Jens life did. It’s peaceful. It’s cared for. It’s Jens. And stan...

                                                                                Jennie’s Story. The Book That Made Jennie so happy.     Jennie’s Story. The Book That Made Jennie so happy,  And The Legacy I’m Carrying Forward no matter what. We wrote Jennie’s Bed Time Story for Jennie, we talked about it, drafted it, then I it did. It made Jen light up in a way I’ll never forget, that moment was unforgettable, Jen went telling the neighbours, telling everyone with that beautiful smile Jen always held. It wasn’t just a book. It was something much deeper… something more personal… something that belonged to Jennie, to us. Jennie survived more than most people ever knew. She carried scars from a past she never deserved from past relationships that she had never told no one else ot...

                      “The Days and Months: Learning to Live in the Silence without #JennieBonia ” After writing about the day Jennie passed, I thought maybe putting the words down would help me breathe a little more. It did and didn’t. If anything, it made everything feel even more real. Because the truth is, the days after 1 November 2025 didn’t feel like days at all. They felt like one long, endless moment, a blur of shock, the disbelief, and a silence so loud it swallowed everything and still does to this day. People talk about “The first months” after losing someone,  a love like ours, it’s something you can never measure as time has no meaning. Time didn’t move the way it used to. Morning, afternoon, night, it all blended together into one heavy, aching stretch of hours where I didn’t know what to do, where to stand, or how to exist in a world Jen isn't in it and still don't. I remember walking around the flat, touchi...

  The Day My World Stopped: Losing Jennie (1 November 2025) 1 November 2025 The date is burned into me now. The day my life split into “before” and “after.” The day I lost my fiancee, my partner, my soulmate, my Jennie. I still don’t know how to write this. I still don’t know how to make sense of it. But I need to put these words somewhere, because keeping them inside is like trying to hold back a tidal wave with my hands. Jennie passed away on  1 November 2025 , and nothing has felt real since. For more than  11 years , it was me and Jennie, our home, our routines, our laughter, our arguments, our plans, our stupid jokes, our late‑night chats, our mornings, our nights, our life. We built everything together. We survived things together. We fought battles side by side that nobody else even knew about. And then suddenly, I was standing in a world where Jennie wasn’t breathing anymore. People talk about grief like it’s something you “go through,” like it’s a tunnel with a l...