“Losing Jennie: A Love That Doesn’t End And Never Will."

Jennie Bonita

              https:amazon.com/Jennie-Bonita-Bed-Time-Stories

There are moments in life that split you in two, the person you were before, and the person you’re forced to become after.

Losing my fiancée, Jennifer Ann Mason, Jennie Bonita,' after more than eleven years together, was that moment for me.

People talk about grief like it’s a process, a journey, a set of stages you move through. But when you lose the person who was your home, your routine, your laughter, your future, your world, your everything, … It isn’t a process. It’s a wound that doesn’t close. It’s waking up every day in a world that doesn’t make sense anymore.

Jennie wasn’t just someone I loved.

Jennie was the person I built a life with.

The person I woke up next to everyday for over 11 years.

The person I protected, supported, and shared every part of my world with, good times and bad, we were there together.

For over eleven years, it was us our home, our routines, our jokes, our memories, our plans.

And then suddenly, it was just me all alone with no one I could count on for support, the people I thought would be there wasn't, they were the ones hacking accounts and manipulating a situation to suite their agenda. It's been absolutely degusting and still is to this day.

People say time heals.

But time doesn’t heal a love like ours and never will.

Time just teaches you how to carry the weight without collapsing every day, and that alone is a very painful journey.

I feel the pain of losing Jennie every single day, every minute of the day.

It hits me in the quiet moments, when I walk past Jens things, when I see Jens name, when I remember something Jen said, when I realise I’ll never hear Jens voice ever again.

It hits me when I’m trying to sort out Jens things to give to charity, things Jen should still be here to manage herself, all Jennies personal accounts hacked, Jennies main Facebook account hacked in December, the person behind it is the one saying Jennie had no spouse or partner, removing our best time of our life's, coming on FB making everything about them and getting fake friends to join in, it actually wasn't at about them at all, the grandkids yes! 

It's totally twisted what's going on, I seriously want nothing to do with these people ever again, they've shown me what family isn't about, the reason I am putting this out there, you can't go around hacking accounts, changing things to suit their agenda with gangs!

It's sad for people to come to our home, smile in our faces, sit at your table, eat our food, mind the kids, and then scoop so low to do this, it's just evil in everyway, so why would I want to speak to them?

 Jennie had no one...? How insulting! Just one out of many reasons they don't need to speak to me, I'm not here right? Jennie had no one in over 11 years right..? It's such a shame that world knows differently and so does the circle that just want love, not materials. 

 My circle remains the same and that doesn't change for people that wasn't in it, or was just in it manipulate us with their dramas.

It totally hits me when I think about how much Jen went through, how much we went through, and how hard we fought to protect our life together from them to stat with.

What hurts also isn’t just that Jens gone.

It’s that the world keeps moving like nothing happened.

But for me, everything stopped and I find it so hard to make it through the day and the night.

I loved Jennie with everything I had and that doesn't change.

And I still do and always will.

That love didn’t end when Jennie passed away.

It didn’t fade.

It didn’t weaken.

It’s still here, in every breath, every memory, every moment I wish I could share with Jennie, my love is always there. 

People tell me to “move on,” but how do you move on from the person who was your whole world, your true love? your everything?

You don’t.

You learn to live with the ache.

You learn to speak Jens name with pride instead of fear of tears.

You learn to honour the memories by telling the truth about your life together, the love, the loyalty, the years you shared, the battles you fought side by side no matter what.

This blog isn’t about closure.

There is no closure.

It’s about love, real love, the kind that doesn’t disappear just because someone is no longer here to hold your hand.

Jennie, if love could have saved you, you’d still be here.

And if love could bring you back, I’d have you home already.

I’ll carry you for the rest of my life.

Not because I’m stuck, but because you were the best part of my life and I was yours, and that doesn’t end, not where I'm still breathing

   

If this post seems harsh, remember the truth always is, I wish you healing.