Today Took Everything Out of Me.

Today Took everything Out of Me. 

Today has been one of those days that hits you straight in the chest.

It's like this everyday, but today...

A dark day. A lonely day. The kind of day where the silence feels heavier than the world itself.

I went to the cemetery again. I stood by Jen’s resting place, making sure everything was just how she’d want it, peaceful, beautiful, cared for. It’s the only place that feels steady right now. But walking away from there… that’s the part that breaks me every time. Going home to the memories, the empty spaces, the reminders of a life that was full and warm and shared, it’s brutal.

My emotions have been everywhere. Hurt. Betrayal. Exhaustion.

I’ve got this tiny circle of people who genuinely care, and I’m grateful for them, I really am. But it’s strange how the ones you expect to be there… just aren’t. You hear all the promises, “I’ll be there for you,” “You’re not alone,” “Anything you need.” But when the real weight hits, when the paperwork piles up, when the stuff makes no sense, when people start taking things that don’t belong to them and hacking everything again… suddenly you’re standing there on your own.

It feels like I’m fighting every battle by myself in a world of gangs.

A one‑man band trying to protect everything that mattered to Jen and everything that still matters to me. And some days, like today, it feels like too much for one person to carry.

Grief isn’t tidy. It isn’t gentle. It doesn’t give you time to breathe.

And people don’t see how hard it really is. They don’t see the nights you can’t sleep, the mornings you can’t face, the moments where the pain feels like it’s eating you alive. They don’t see how close you get to the edge when everything around you is falling apart.

But I’m still here.

Still fighting.

Still trying to honour Jen in every way I can.

Still trying to make sense of a world that doesn’t make sense anymore.

My love stays firm, over 11 years of love don't fade, don't disappear.

If you’re reading this, don’t assume someone is okay just because they’re standing. Sometimes standing is the hardest thing they do all day.


My love always stays here always.


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